Friday, August 22, 2008

Single Mom Wonder Woman!!

I was just starting to think everything was going to be ok. Then Tim left town. Why is it that when you start to see the silver lining a big bolt of lightning smacks you in the head and fries your hair? Or, when you think things could only get worse and suddenly a rainbow appears and your hopes for future sanity return to only be taken away again? Why?! Why?! Why?! I think it's called life. Or maybe it's just called parenthood. I'm eleven years into this and I still haven't adjusted to it. So, I guess, this is why people do drugs.

I was finally starting to see the payoff yesterday afternoon of having kids in school all day. I had a good day with my friend Beth. She made us lunch and we spent the afternoon at the art museum. It was great. It was relaxing, it was fun, it was even inspiring. This was the first day since school started that I didn't spend filling out forms and catching up on dishes and laundry. Then the kids got off the bus at 4:00. At first there was a sense of "I can handle this". No 32 senseless questions that I'll repeat the answers to 3 times each is going to send ME over the edge. I'm on top of things now. I deflected all complaints and inquiries like Wonder Woman with her gold cuffs. ZAP! ZOWIE!! ZABING! An hour later (ZAP! ZABING!) I said, "Just get in the car we're going to swim clinic". I don't even think I had to scream it. So, we went to the swim clinic and Maya and Eva swam for an hour why I tried to entertain Isaac and chat with other moms. Bad idea. Well, Isaac had a melt down after about 20 minutes because things weren't going his way. I was adjusting my gold cuffs thinking "I'm handling this like a TV mom" and "Good girl!" I knew he was tired and disappointed. I tried to work with him. I knew it would all be ok because of my new found patience and inner wisdom (and my imaginary gold cuffs) but he was barely hanging on to sanity. After 10 minutes of me trying to appease him without getting upset or slinging him over my shoulder and carrying him out to the car I finally said to him "YOU'RE CRAZY!". After I said that I thought "did I just call my five year old crazy?" Wow, I did. Freakin' piece of crap cheap gold cuffs.

Things went downhill from there. We got home and I was trying to do homework with Maya and keep Isaac and Eva happy by letting them play outside when they should have been getting ready for bed. Neighbor kids were playing in our backyard spraying my mosquito repellent on the bugs and not on their bodies. (Don't they have bug spray at their house they can waste?) Someones cat wanted in MY fence while Olive was going berserk and the cat was hissing at Olive. I told the kids to go home and dragged my dog inside. As I'm trying to figure out the difference between Third Person Limited and Third Person Omniscient (don't tell me I have it figured out now) kids started screaming to Maya (who's supposed to be working on her homework) from outside somewhere in the front yard because the cat is now in our backyard. I opened up the front door and said "I DON"T CARE! GO HOME!" (You'd think fewer kids would come around wouldn't you?) Olive's having a doggie conniption. Isaac is afraid the cat will crawl through some hole in the floor and bite him. Eva and Maya want to keep the cat but they don't dare say this because that eye twitch in my left eye is back. But I persevere. I get Isaac in the shower, set up a quick movie, feed them all a healthy snack of Oreo cookies (hold the milk), get them all in bed, read Rolie Polie Olie twice, tell Maya (who can't handle less than an "A") "No, I can't study with you anymore, you're good." Then I lay on my bed trying to not to have a stroke.

And then Tim comes home.

By this time random words are flashing through my brain like "smoke" and "adjustment in medication" and "beer, lots and lots of beer." I can't seem to put a cohesive sentence together that doesn't start with "I hate you" or "Why didn't you keep your freakin' sperm to yourself?" So I choose not to say anything at all. I can start to feel the synapses misfiring and all I can think is "schmickelt" and "phhlatbatt". I'm pretty sure Tim's talking to me but all I hear is "rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr".

I'm sorry I didn't speak to you last night honey, this is why you have to read the blog.

No comments: