Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Macrobioticnot

It's a new word. It's means I'm not a macrobiotinist which might also be a new word. After doing a little bit of research into macrobiotics I have discovered this: I am not a cow.
Here's what I know: Macrobiotics are about eating whole grain, lots of it. They are about not eating meat and on occasion eating fish but only white fish. Vegetables are good but not all vegetables (tomatoes, potatoes and eggplant = bad) and they are usually cooked. And if you're going to eat a carrot you should eat the whole carrot, yes, the tops. Again, I am not a cow. Fruits are like dessert and you shouldn't eat dessert more than a couple times a week. Now I think dessert is like dessert and you should only eat it once a day. Living on brown rice for two weeks is considered a good thing. Huh.
I tried oatmeal for breakfast not once or even twice but three times. I am not a horse. I put honey on it I put syrup on it I cooked it for five minutes and I cooked it for 8 hours. Neigh.
Sugar is bad, caffeine is bad, alcohol is bad, white flour big no no. Everything that's good is bad, bad, bad. Seaweed is good. Milk is bad, even soy milk. How is a person supposed to eat Apple Jacks without milk? Pickles are good. Someone explain that to me.
All of this insight comes from one book:The Hip Chicks Guide to Macrobiotics, so my research is a little limited. I haven't even finished the book but I haven't given up on it either. I don't doubt that if I could follow this diet in any manner I would feel better and maybe even be healthier. The problem is that if I ate that much whole grain my abdomen would be so inflated with grains and gas you could probably use me to start a car. I am not ethanol.
So I know what I am not and I'm starting to sound like a Dr. Suess book. I am not a cow. I am not a horse but I'd be willing to try some green eggs and ham, hold the tofu.

4 comments:

Tim Johnson said...

Why not the anti-macrobiotic hippy chick book? "I am not a cow!" is the perfect title. You know...writing a book is the perfect job Michelle, not that you are looking for a job, but you would also have plenty of great reasons to say "I need to go up to the mountains to have some quiet writing time"...think about it :)

Michelle said...

Ok. I'll write a book. What exactly is my book about? I need an angle. There are no mountains in Indiana. Are we moving?

Tim Johnson said...

by the way...looking at the number of comments you have on your blog I might just be your biggest fan...isn't that what Cathy Bates said to James Con in that movie just before she cracked his ankles? Ouch...not that I have any intention of doing something like that...

Tim Johnson said...

do you really need an angle to write a book...you just start compiling your writings and thoughts and the title comes later. "Random thoughts by the anti-macrobiotic hippy mom" or something like that.

big seller...

and maybe there aren't mountains, and no Colleen we are not moving to Austin, but there are hills in Nashville...