Macrobioticnot

It's a new word. It's means I'm not a macrobiotinist which might also be a new word. After doing a little bit of research into macrobiotics I have discovered this: I am not a cow.
Here's what I know: Macrobiotics are about eating whole grain, lots of it. They are about not eating meat and on occasion eating fish but only white fish. Vegetables are good but not all vegetables (tomatoes, potatoes and eggplant = bad) and they are usually cooked. And if you're going to eat a carrot you should eat the whole carrot, yes, the tops. Again, I am not a cow. Fruits are like dessert and you shouldn't eat dessert more than a couple times a week. Now I think dessert is like dessert and you should only eat it once a day. Living on brown rice for two weeks is considered a good thing. Huh.
I tried oatmeal for breakfast not once or even twice but three times. I am not a horse. I put honey on it I put syrup on it I cooked it for five minutes and I cooked it for 8 hours. Neigh.
Sugar is bad, caffeine is bad, alcohol is bad, white flour big no no. Everything that's good is bad, bad, bad. Seaweed is good. Milk is bad, even soy milk. How is a person supposed to eat Apple Jacks without milk? Pickles are good. Someone explain that to me.
All of this insight comes from one book:The Hip Chicks Guide to Macrobiotics, so my research is a little limited. I haven't even finished the book but I haven't given up on it either. I don't doubt that if I could follow this diet in any manner I would feel better and maybe even be healthier. The problem is that if I ate that much whole grain my abdomen would be so inflated with grains and gas you could probably use me to start a car. I am not ethanol.
So I know what I am not and I'm starting to sound like a Dr. Suess book. I am not a cow. I am not a horse but I'd be willing to try some green eggs and ham, hold the tofu.